


It's Trial and Error, but Sasuke comes around, Eventually

by sheepkun



Category: Naruto
Genre: I don't know how to tag things I'm new to this, M/M, Redemption, Sasuke feels things, This is going to have short chapters though, or something along those lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2018-12-22 02:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11957970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheepkun/pseuds/sheepkun
Summary: A sort of character study meets some form of plot, that kind of follows canon but doesn't really. Basically, Sasuke feels things, and it all goes down from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my first attempt at writing fanfiction for Naruto, but it's the first I'm posting...-sweats- Hopefully, I'll manage to finish it. -laughs- It's pretty self-indulgent, so, oops.

Naruto smiled as if it took no effort, as if it were always stamped on his face, as if it was the very heart he wore on his sleeve. Naruto smiled easily, expecting nothing in return. He smiled when there was no need to smile, and when it made no sense to smile, just to see if he could get others to smile too. Naruto smiled as if it was currency, expecting no payment for every flash of teeth that had a wince.

Naruto smiled when he ought to be angry. He smiled to hide the hurt. He smiled to make the hurt go away. He smiled to make the hurt better. Naruto seemed to somehow live by the rule of 'turn that frown, upside down'.

Naruto smiled so much, Sasuke couldn't really ever remember seeing Naruto cry. It wasn't that Naruto had never cried. He was certain, in some, deep, forgotten, instinctual part of his mind, that he'd seen Naruto cry. That Naruto had cried, more than once. And not for himself, but for others. There wasn't a lot Naruto did for himself, just like his smiles, his tears were for others. Selfless.

The Naruto Sasuke had known had been shorter, louder, had a presence that had been more pleading and less natural. The Naruto before him was just as blonde, and just as startling, but more subtle, shaped around the edges so he glowed like a proper gemstone. The Naruto before him didn't cry the hot tears of rage from the fight that had pulled their bonds at the seams. The Naruto before him cried something silent, something softer, something deeper and so much more painful, it made Sasuke want to kill it.

_I missed you, I missed you, I missed you._

Because Sasuke knew exactly what those tears were for, and even if Naruto didn't say it, Sasuke could see it, could hear it. Loud and clear, in the strain of his veins, the wetness of his eyes, the part of his lips. There was something hard about Sakura, and the stranger with them was there with all the detachment of one who was foreign.

Yet Naruto was soft, and pliant, and oh, so willing in Sasuke's arm. And it would have been easy, very easy to just slice him open and make that aching, bleeding heart stop beating.

Sasuke wouldn't have done it. Even if he hadn't been stopped he wouldn't have done it.

If Naruto was gone, there'd be no one left on earth who would miss him.

There was something twisted, something satisfying, about knowing that the 'future' Hokage, the dead-last who had climbed tooth and nail to the top, and had won the affections of many, saved his tears for him, saved his pain for him, saved his time for him.

Sasuke wondered if Naruto would also save his brightest smiles for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never really thought Naruto was the only one who was kind of "obsessed". Those little glimpses of Sasuke thinking of Naruto always caught at my heartstrings...

It wasn't really news, but Sasuke had developed a sort of possessive nature. He wished to possess power, to possess revenge, to possess strength, to possesses the loneliness that kept him awake at night and shape it to his will.

However, sometimes, he wished to possess something much more tangible, but much harder to obtain.

Sometimes, Sasuke wished to possess Naruto.

It was strange, because part of him was very much aware of the fact that he had more of Naruto than anyone alive. Naruto gave, and gave himself to Sasuke without being asked, without being prompted and without asking in return. The distance, the severed bonds, their stark separation, none of it had stopped the essence of Naruto that stuck to Sasuke like smoke.

Yet knowing that, wasn't always enough. There were moments, glimpses, in dreams and reveries. In passing, in a fight, where their fists hurt harder than their unspoken words. There were moments when Sasuke wanted more. There were moments when he wanted Naruto all for himself.

The truth was, that it was high time he learned to not want anything but revenge. But he had to admit, if only to himself, that he was only human. He needed warmth, whereas revenge was cold. And Naruto. Naruto was the warmest thing next to the sun. And Sasuke craved him, like a starved man. Sasuke wanted him.

He didn't yearn. Yearning was too sweet, too tender for the burn that climbed inside his chest and made him catch fire. He wanted. Savagely.

He wanted to keep Naruto, because Sasuke had learned not to trust the world. He'd learned that the world would hurt him, and cheat him, and tear him apart until he felt like he could no longer get back up. He'd watched the world do the same to Naruto.  Yet Naruto held no resentment. He was not bitter. Those were not words he knew. Those were not feelings he had.  And it was for that reason, for that excessive light, and forgiveness, that Sasuke wanted to devour Naruto with the darkness inside him. So that they'd finally reach a balance, finally bring a close into the cosmic mess of their lives; so that Naruto would see that not all was good, that not all could be dealt with the kindness he so easily willed for.

If he'd been more sane, Sasuke would have pegged these urges as him feeling protective. If he hadn't tried to kill his once best friend (and just trying was enough to kill), if he hadn't wrenched them apart despite Naruto, young and naive and full of hope, begging him to not do it, if he hadn't broken all those hearts; Sasuke would have pegged his need to keep Naruto, as protectiveness.

But he could not protect that which he wanted to destroy. He could only want, and possesses.

So he stayed away. Sasuke stayed away, because he knew, that there were things that were better left untainted; and if life, with its cruel gaze had not tainted Naruto, then Sasuke, with his bloodied hands, would not dare do so either.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like sensei, like pupil. Or as I like to say; if Naruto picked up things from Jiraiya, and Sakura from Tsunade, then Sasuke certainly picked up some things from Orochimaru.

Sasuke had picked up some terribly bad habits while living with Orochimaru. He'd have thought biting things would have been one he'd be spared of.

He'd been wrong.

For some reason, he bites Naruto during a fight. Right on the junction of his neck and shoulder.

His eyes had fallen on the patch of skin the moment a jutsu had torn Naruto's jacket off his shoulder, and the urge to dig his teeth into the stretch had been so great he'd staggered enough for Naruto to punch him. The punch that Sasuke had already deemed as the 'stop being an idiot and come back home to me you asshole, so we can figure something out together' (he doesn't tell Naruto that he can't, because Naruto's not worth risking). 

He just smiles, and spits out blood, and lunges.

And then he bites, and everything comes to a standstill.

The gasp that leaves Naruto's mouth has Sasuke thinking a series of terrible things, things that make him think, not for the first time, that Orochimaru, despite all the knowledge he'd offered, had been a terrible influence.

He thinks about biting Naruto on his neck, on his ear, on his wrist. Thinks about every expanse of his body so clearly marked as Sasuke's, so no one else will even dare look at him.

He realizes he has a thing for possessing, even while being afraid of losing anything he ever gets his hands on.

It's a confusing, paradoxical feeling, that he absolutely abhors. It's complicated and unnecessary, yet he can't stop it. And he can't let go, even as Naruto squirms, and the taste of blood fills his tongue. He can't let go.

"I didn't know you were into that."

It's an offhand, nonsensical comment that makes Sasuke want to laugh (he forgets what genuine laughter really feels like, and the need to do so startles him). 

So when Naruto raises his hands to try to push him away, it takes him a near decade to realize that he's the one with tears in his eyes, and the soft, wheezing breaths are coming from him.

He's crying.

He's quick to detach his teeth, to swallow the copper and deny the existence of his blurred vision. He notices how completely insane he is, when he thinks about apologizing.

Naruto has opened his arms before he can go through with it, and he's brought Sasuke into them again, and he's too stunned to say anything, and too muddled to do much but sob, and laugh, so he bites again, to keep the noises at bay

It's messed up. He knows it is.

It's creepy. Definitely creepy.

But Naruto only hushes him and stays completely still as Sasuke takes. And takes.

And takes.

He wondered if he'd learned anything useful from Orochimaru, after all.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This actually where the plot starts to take a turn from canon, and goes into a story of self-discovery or something. (I'm just as sucker for Sasuke being akward in the face of Naruto grinning).

Itachi's bleeding in front of him. He's bleeding too; too much. They're both probably on the brink of death, but Itachi's probably closer. And Sasuke hates him, Sasuke hates the way he looks at him, with the blurry, loving edges of his eyes.

_Finally, finally, finally._

Itachi smiles like he's proud, when Sasuke plunges forward, and his foot seems to catch, one in front of the other. The knowledge that he'll be the last Uchiha hits him, sudden and unwelcome, and he hesitates, on the last breath.

And for the first time in years, Sasuke allows loneliness to seep through his cracks of hatred and indifference.  He wonders, for the vaguest of moments, what killing Itachi would really achieve.

It's too late in the game for him to be having doubts, for a crisis to be surging through his system, making his hands tremble. It's too late in the game for him to be having a conscious.

Itachi's dying anyways. He points out as much, flicks Sasuke on the forehead like he did when they were kids.

He hesitates though, long enough for something to pull at his gut and turn it around, so he's squeezing through a vortex, his insides all twisting up unpleasantly, and he wonders if Itachi has done something, but it's all too unfamiliar to belong to his despicable brother.

He wakes up, to bright light, white enough to burn his lids, and the swaying tops of trees, casting slanted shadows on the ground. It takes him a moment to realize he's not bleeding; that every single part of him is completely unscathed, as if he' suddenly been reset to his condition a few days prior to the fight.

He thinks that if this is death, he's been let off too easy.

Sasuke sits up, and stares. He doesn't know where he is. He doesn't think the crinkling grass under his weight or the gentle murmur of the leaves in the wind feel right. It's too similar to peace, too unlike anything he's experienced recently, and he wonders if he's caught in a genjutsu, but that's just not possible and he's not one to live in denial.

Sasuke breathes out, breathes in, and then the wind blows a little too harshly, and his bangs fall on his eyes. He twists his head to push them away, and his vision catches on what he would've deemed an angel, had he ever believed in them.

He recognizes the halo of blonde hair and parted mouth as Naruto (and that's as close to an angel as Sasuke will ever get). He keeps his distance, calculating, hand on the hilt of his sword, which he's glad is still safely tucked with him. He can feel his chakra, but it's weak, nearly dormant, and he's not ready to trust it in the situation.

"Ngh..."

Naruto rises. Sasuke waits. Naruto turns, his eyes fall on Sasuke.

They widen, blue, blue, so blue, Sasuke can almost see himself in them, a dark blotch, the wing of a raven.  And then they turn away, and Naruto's mumbling to himself, and Sasuke relaxes because it not only feels like Naruto, it acts like Naruto (like a complete idiot, leaving himself completely open should Sasuke attack).

When Naruto turns his face back again, his brows are clearly furrowed in confusion.

"Sasuke?"

He thinks about leaving a scathing remark, but that would make them seem  too close, that would be touching territory that he'd left behind, so he just makes a noise in the back of his throat, that he hopes sounds dismissive.

"Tch."

"Sasuke, like, really, Sasuke?"

"Hn."

He expects Naruto to shout, and act as his usual, boisterous self. He expects Naruto to jump up, and get into action,  look around and demand answers.

Instead Naruto's face splits into a smile, wide, and all teeth, and happy.

He looks at Sasuke as if Sasuke makes him happy and it makes Sasuke want to die.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -shouts into the sun- Sasuke's confused. I'm confused. We're confused. Basically, the whole problem with these two is that they never learned how to hug it out. I swear that their current situation will clear up though. Maybe.

They walk all day. Not once, does Naruto look at Sasuke again.

Night falls and they end up nowhere. They set up camp, and they don't say anything.

The fire crackles between them, the only sound they heard all day beyond the crunch of their own footsteps.

Sasuke watches, leaning against the rough bark of a tree, as Naruto fidgets, looking ready to jump out of his skin.

The sight makes his rage, rear hot and ugly.

It had been a long day. It had been a long day, and Sasuke had made no sense of it, and he made no sense of Naruto, and he hated the feeling of helplessness that came with not knowing, and not understanding.

The charitable nostalgia that had snuck up on him before evaporates, and before he's really aware of it, Sasuke's stalking up and in a direction away from the little merry sounds of splintering wood.

He's half a step out when a croak of his name stops him as coolly in his tracks as any shackle, with enough force to make him stumble.

"Sasuke? Are you leaving again?"

Again.

It's a simple word. It shouldn't mean anything but it stabs into a heart Sasuke had long since wished he didn't possess. It stabs, and wedges and twists, and makes Sasuke feel like vomiting, because Naruto sounds _vulnerable_.

Naruto sounds like a child, betrayed and confused, because Sasuke's leaving him _again._

He's being abandoned, and left alone, and he doesn't know _why_.

He just wants a reason, and Sasuke has million, but none of them are good enough, and it makes him _hurt_ , and when Sasuke hurts, he only knows how to hurt back.

He turns, ready to strike, only for the firelight to fall on Naruto's swallow face, and light the tracks of tears slipping down his cheeks.

Something in Sasuke snaps. He can hear it, the dull echo of a string pulled so taut that it has come apart, loud and echoing.

His fist falls to his side.

Naruto's crying; not the hot, burning tears of rage he'd cried at the Valley. Not the tears of stunned silence of when he saw Sasuke again.

Naruto's crying as if Sasuke has just pulled out the very soul from him, and it knocks the breath out Sasuke's lungs and makes something in him go rattling. He's probably gone mad, he's certain he's gone mad.

He thinks maybe he's dead too, that he'd been wrong and he _had_ died, and gone straight to hell.

Because seeing Naruto cry like that, harsh and ugly, and so openly accusing, melted Sasuke's skin off his body as easily as any burning pit of magma.

And it finally clicks, then, that Naruto had been afraid, Naruto had been afraid of the _very thing_ Sasuke had just threatened to do.

Sasuke's legs move of their own accord, stumbling, like a newborn, until they've bent and fallen in front of Naruto.

He doesn't touch him. Doesn't dare. Doesn't think he can touch anyone in a way that's even remotely gentle anymore.

But Naruto moves for him, reaches out a finger and places it feather light and soft just on the edge of Sasuke's arm, and sniffs.

It's mundane. It's harmless. It's the sort of innocence Sasuke lost way before his time, and it makes the ugly, twisted thing inside of him scream in agony.

But he bears it. Bears it until Naruto's tears stop, and he goes slack with sleep.

And then he keeps watch until dawn rises, and they can start moving again.


	6. Chapter 6

By the time they stop again, Sasuke starts to feel the toll of his sleepless night and empty stomach. He's not sure how long they've been going for, he's lost his sense of time just as he's lost his sense of direction. The chakra he would usually tap into is stubbornly hidden away in some part of himself he can't access, and it adds to the frazzled nerves of his frustration; to the wounded helplessness in his gut.

Even Naruto-that often trembled with barely contained energy-had a defeated set to his back, shoulders hunched, voice pausing to let out worn breaths as they stepped over another raised root, continuing on in their fruitless search for a river, a sign of life, a sign of an end to the interminable forest.

In that moment Naruto's stopped just between two stooped trees, one hand on the bark, another on his hips. There's sweat matting his hair to the back of his neck and his bangs, freed from the confines of a bandana that was tied around his arm, and a gentle breeze Sasuke had only just noticed seemed to ruffle the open flaps of Naruto's gaudy jackets.

He watches the movement for a moment or two, listens to the trickle of the zipper and the wheezing breaths coming from Naruto's nose, and something else.

The forest's no longer as quiet as it was before. There's an underlay of sound that doesn't belong to them, a sound that comes with the whispering wind, and the sway of trees and grass. Sasuke preens his ears, furrows his brows, trying to make out the familiar lull; but his concentration falls to ruins as soon as Naruto's wide, eager eyes turn to him, alight with a newfound zeal.

"Sasuke! That's a waterfall! Or a river! Or-" he seems to grasp for words, his earlier wilting body tapping into the last reserves of his motivation and sending his stumbling feet into action. "It's water Sasuke!"

It turns out to be a semblance of a waterfall; light and misty, gurgling merrily down what can hardly be described as a steep drop. It's clear though, and cold to the touch, and Sasuke finds himself dipping his head right into the rush, drowning out everything but the chill breaking into his flesh.

He shakes out his hair, quenches his first, too sated and relieved to feel suspicion. He starts to think that perhaps, if there's water, there's a way out. And with a way out, Sasuke would soon be free of the chains of necessity binding him to Naruto.

He divests himself of his clothes. His clear conclusion settles him down, as he begins breaching into the pool of crystalline water, startling small fishes that had been pecking at rocks.

Things would fall into order soon enough. Whatever false, odd ceasefire he had landed in would end, as all things did, and he would be free of all the pieces of his past he had so fervently shed. Sasuke would go back into the shadows he belonged, where Naruto couldn't reach him with his melancholic smile and promises of eternal friendship, that never failed to make Sasuke seethe, and _ache._

There's a splash to his face, rippling the wavering picture he'd formed in his mind's eye. He stares at Naruto, the very bane of his every fiber, who is gleaming at him, mischievous, looking too much like the try-hard kid he'd once been,  years ago.

Sasuke's faced with temptation again, with the temptation of reaching into the forbidden fruits of his past and plucking something ripe. This time however, he doesn't really resist-he hates losing too much, so he doesn't try to win. He gives in to the tide, because he knows once it recedes, it will clear way all the inscriptions in the sand, and with it, all the new memories of a life he should never have.

So he lunges, bites into forbidden fruit of Eden, hears the echo of Naruto's startled shout as it turns into delighted laugh when Sasuke picks him up and throws him like a skipping stone back into the water. Surprising himself, when a hoarse, unused sound joins the merry barks of Naruto's quieting chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put the notes at the end this time, because, Sasuke? Laughing? It's more probable than you think. Or not, I don't know. I always did like his sort of subtle, kind of laughing moments. Anyways, the plot in relation to the situation they're in thickens. Did any of you catch on to it already? Sometimes I worry I'm too predictable. XD  
> Alas, I wanted to take time and thank everyone for their kind comments, their kudos and all the lovely feedback. <3 I really appreciate it. ;u;


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent hours trying to make their situation clear without making it obvious. In other words, I reckon Sasuke has always been that character that knew what was up but was too deep in denial to recognize it?

There's a pattern. There's a pattern and they fall right into it; with each day that becomes afternoon and night, with each new discovery and noise, and sign of life.

The fall into it.

Sasuke's not a fool; he's incredulous and cynical, and that often makes him blind to the obvious that's splayed out right before him.

So when he notices the pattern, alarmingly clear in front of him, the first thing he does, is ignore it.

Because it's stupid, nonsensical and as absurdly logic defying as Naruto himself.

But it's there, and it remains there as the days pass, and soon enough it's impossible to push aside the solid fact that the deranged, time warped prison in which he and Naruto are trapped in works like a maze; a maze that's completely dependent on Sasuke's actions.

It's almost like some twisted, roundabout form of punishment-a painless, quiet torture that pries and picks at Sasuke's brain until he starts to think that the feeling pooling  slowly in his gut, like blood dripping from a gaping wound-is _guilt_.

It peeves Sasuke, makes him roil with rage because his only form of control over the situation is through relinquishing the control over the carefully sealed remains of the feelings he once had.

It makes him want to tear the forest apart from the roots and dig the ground until everything burns with magma as red as the color that dyes his eyes.

He doesn't.

He only simmers, keeps simmering and trembling like a kettle over a fire, waiting for the moment when he can burst.

All the while, Naruto stares at him as if he's on the verge of waiting for Sasuke to either suddenly fade away in a burst of flames and smoke, or drive a kunai clean through Naruto's chest, right on the scar tissue of a Chidori that still echoed in both their minds.

 He doesn't.

He only grips at his hair until it feels like he'll tear off his scalp, and head, along with it.

It's an easy way out, a coward's way out, and it's almost what Sasuke's contemplating; but Naruto stops him every time, pulling tenderly at Sasuke's wrist, until the bone becomes slack and charmed, falling away at Naruto's will.

Sasuke wonders if Naruto knows.

Sasuke wonders if he ought to tell Naruto.

Sasuke wonders if it's fair, only to remember that nothing, nothing at all is ever fair.


	8. Chapter 8

Sasuke lost track of time. It passed, and he didn't notice.

It passed, and the more he noticed, the more he sunk against its weight.

He lost track of time, and lost track of how many straying touches he'd allowed Naruto to brand onto his skin.

He lost sight of his goals; and the revenge that once steered a clear, red path, in the map of his life, seemed to have washed away with the rain that came and went in the murderous forest.  

There was no point to it. There was no point to any of it.

Sasuke lost the feeling of anger, the feeling of injustice that clung to his chest.

It was hard to hold on to the feeling, when he would seemingly walk the same path every morning, with only Naruto's meaningless chatter for company, drowning his usual thoughts.

He became numb, and then he became vacant.

It was as if without the veil of hurt, Sasuke was left with nothing but a hollow cavity in place of his heart.

Sometimes, when the wind would blow strong, just before sunset, Sasuke felt as if it blew right through him.

He fell into a new routine, that peeled away at everything that he had constructed, at all the shells and layers he'd built up to become who he was, leaving him with an empty slate and scattered memories, which  he couldn't make sense of.

It was strange, because Sasuke had always hated losing, especially to others.

But it wasn't the forest he was losing to, it was himself, and perhaps that's where Sasuke's mistake began.

He never realized that his greatest and most powerful opponent, was none other than his own person.

It had always, from the very start, been a battle against his own person.

And Sasuke had lost.

He realized, with a slow, quiet clarity, that he had lost. Not once, but _every single_ time.

He'd lost his way, lost his brother, lost his family.

Sasuke had lost everything to his own foolishness, to the self-inflicted blindness of his aimless hatred.

Sasuke had lost, and he was left with nothing. Nothing except Naruto.

Because Naruto had never given up on him. Naruto had never left him behind. Naruto had always been scrambling, and bleeding and running, simply for a chance to walk beside Sasuke.

Sasuke, who had nothing to offer, not even his own soul.

He looked up, to where Naruto was napping on a tree branch, mouth slack and arm hanging, breath as soft as the breeze that stirred the leaves above him.

And the same possessive hunger that had always been part of him, surged up from the ashes of the twisted, dying thing inside of him.

If Naruto was all he had left, then Sasuke would keep him, the only way he knew how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first, this chapter was going to be a magic, fix it chapter where Sasuke would see the light and become a new person. Then half-way through I was like, that's really not how Sasuke works, and I just wasn't happy with it. Still, I didn't mean for things to take such a creepy turn. -sweats- Please let me know y'all's thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke learns the key-word. Congratulations Sasuke. I know that like, Naruto has his classic "It hurt," line or something (it has been a while, bear with me ;u;) but I wanted something that went a little beyond that, and this chapter came into the world. -sweats- I hope it was okay? Sasuke finally, actually, legit for real, no lie, sees the light. Bless.

"We're _never_ getting out of here! I give up!"

Naruto's voice is shrill and annoyed, ringing out through the forest as they stop to rest near a tree stump.

They had walked, for most of the day, with no notion of where they were going.

At first, Naruto had suggested they follow a creek he'd seen bubbling out from the ground, someway from the place they had set up camp. Sasuke had known it would be pointless, knew that most anything they tried wouldn't get them out, but he refused to say as much, refused to recognize the shackles around his ankles.

He stares at Naruto for a moment, watching him bent over, eyebrows furrowed in frustration, and he doesn't need to see Naruto clench his fists to know that Naruto was just whining, to know that Naruto wouldn't give up, didn't know _how_ to.

Still, even if it's said in passing, it somehow irks Sasuke, rubs him the wrong way and makes his hair stand on edge, and before he can really think about what he's doing, he's bounding towards Naruto and pushing him against the tree, one hand a claw on his shoulder.

He's not going to kill, killing is the last thing on his mind, he doesn't want Naruto dead, probably never did, no matter how much he tried to convince himself of such. He doesn't Naruto hurt either, especially not when he's looking at Sasuke, startled and unprepared. But it's only through violence that Sasuke still knows how to express himself, anything else seems too much of a leap he's not ready to take.

When he speaks, he spits fire, hurls his words like stones, and he wishes, for a moment, that he still knew how to be gentle. He wished he'd learned how to touch, as tenderly as Naruto was touching his wrists.

"Don't you _dare_ say that. You can't say that."

Naruto's face remains the impassive mask it becomes when he's trying to understand what's happening. It's only in the split moment that Sasuke loosens his hold to take a breath, to calm himself, to tell himself to be rational, that Naruto comes to life.

And he comes to life like an explosion, unexpectedly blowing up in Sasuke's face with enough anger for it to feel like whiplash.

"What right...do you have to say that to me?" he's trembling, Sasuke can see it, he's trembling and Sasuke waits for the tell-tale chakra of the fox, but it doesn't come, because their chakra is still dormant. But Naruto's body is coiled, ready to strike, and Sasuke wonders if Naruto will punch.  

For a moment he entertains the idea that, he deserves it. He probably deserved it, that time, at the Valley of the End.

Yet the assault doesn't come. Naruto only screams, he screams as if someone's tearing him apart, limb by limb. He bends in on himself and screams, the sound ripping through the forest, sending birds cackling away in fear. The scream cuts through Sasuke, down to his bones, filling them with cuts, that bleed, and bleed until all he can see is Naruto's face contorted, wrecked in its frustration.

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! NOT WHEN YOU LEFT US! NOT AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE! NOT AFTER ALL THIS TIME! ALL THIS TIME SASUKE I'VE BEEN-"

His voice cuts off on a choke, as if the anger has seeped away and left nothing but an empty shell, the aftermath.

The wind blows, hollow, and Sasuke swears he sees Naruto sway; like a hapless sapling under rain, waiting for death to come.

"It hurts..." he croaks. "It hurt when you left me, but it hurts more now. Because you're here, you're here but I know that as soon as we find a way out you'll leave me behind again...and I'll have to keep chasing you, but don't you dare say that I can't give up Sasuke...because you gave me up first."

It comes like the shock from having a kunai lodged into your chest; sudden, hard, and painful. Naruto may as well have punched Sasuke, may as well have cut off his head, and cut out his heart, and fed it to the wolves. It would have hurt less, anything would have hurt less than the truth.

Something in Sasuke rears up, some old, dead, buried part of him reemerges from its ashes, gasping, choking, urgently trying to crawl and speak up, and deny everything.

Sasuke had never given Naruto up. He'd never forgotten Naruto, even when he'd forgotten everything else he hadn't forgotten Naruto. Naruto had been his dreams, and his nightmares and his very personal brand of torture. Naruto had plagued him, and driven him mad and given him hope, and kept a small part of him _sane_.

Naruto had always been a part of Sasuke, a pebble Sasuke couldn't kick out of his shoe, a stray he couldn't be rid of, the weak spot in his otherwise hardened armor.

And when Sasuke had had nothing...Naruto had been everything.

Naruto was _his_. _Is_ his.

Because Sasuke has the power to keep them there, caged, circling each other like tense predators. He can be selfish again, be what he has been his whole life, selfish, and utterly, foolishly blind.

Or he can try. Try to be something else. Try to become something _better_ , something more than just darkness, and shadows and _hate_. Something more than all the terrible decisions that kept leading him lower and lower in the hole he'd dug for himself.

He can try to become what Naruto so fervently believes he can be.

He licks his lips and attempts to remember how to form the words. He knows he's used them before, though he doesn't know if he ever really meant them.

"I'm sorry."

It feels alien and ashen against his tongue, almost as if he were a demon uttering holy words, but from the way his heart stutters, he knows that, whatever the apology means, he _means_ it.

And Naruto cries, cries with relief and something bittersweet, a hand reaching out unseeingly to grip at Sasuke's sleeves, attempting to pull him in, as if Sasuke had not always been helpless but to orbit around the sun.

But before Sasuke can reach him, pull him in, bring them together, and _keep_ him, _hold_ him-the ground twists beneath his feet.

The last thing he sees is the bittersweet curve of Naruto's watery smile.


	10. Chapter 10

The truth came to Sasuke in pieces, as the light died in Itachi's eyes. The truth came to Sasuke in full, as just as his brother's heart stopped. The truth came to Sasuke too late, and still, he regretted it.   
He resented it. Resented himself, most of all.

His revenge had been executed and it felt empty. He felt empty, stripped of his organs, and bones, until he was nothing but a wandering shell.   
He didn't have it in him to feel anger at Konoha, at anyone, not anymore.

So he walked. He walked, must have walked, because the scenery changed and the skies turned different colors. The aches in Sasuke's soul grew, grew until it felt like he was leaving a trail of blood behind him, leading the Reaper after him in the hopes that his misery would end.

Yet it didn't, and maybe it wouldn't end. Sasuke should have accepted that someone like him only deserved eternal penance. He didn't deserve a family. Didn't deserve forgiveness. He didn't deserve Naruto, and the tears he shed, so easily. 

He didn't deserve Naruto, yet when the days blended into nothing but shadows, grief eating away at what little was left of Sasuke's heart, he hoped for Naruto. He thought of Naruto, and that blasted forest, that had maybe been nothing but a feverish dream.   
He thought of it and hoped that it had been real. Hoped that Naruto knew.

He hoped Itachi knew too; that Sasuke was sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm cringing at the angst. It was raining, the mood was set...and still, it's such a short chapter it's not even a chapter? !! I'm sorry but I didn't want to throw in the next part because it would totally kill the vibes I was trying to go for...TT-TT


	11. Chapter 11

Sasuke hadn't expected to wake up. He did. 

When his eyes opened to stared at a blurred out white ceiling, he felt nothing. When his head moved, and his toes wiggled with life, he felt nothing.  
His gaze travelled around the room. A hospital. The sounds of swaying leaves coming from a nearby window. 

White curtains, billowing, apples sliced at a table near him.

Konoha. 

Sasuke was back in the village. He wasn't sure how, couldn't remember much of anything that happened before he'd blacked out. He only remembered the weight of something like grief in his chest. He wondered, if in his daze, he'd made his way there, if he'd come full circle. 

"You're awake."

It's Sakura's voice. He doesn't have to look at her to know. He does anyways.  
She's different than he remembers. Her stare is hard, her shoulders set, but her lips are trembling in the corners. Sasuke wonders if she hates him. He thought it would be better for her, if she did. 

"Do you remember anything?"

He blinks. "No." his voice sounds warped in his own head, unfamiliar. 

"I see. Naruto brought you in. Ran out of here saying he had to find you. Next thing we know he shows up with a trail of blood behind him and you over his shoulder."

Naruto.  
The name rings into Sasuke's joints. Makes him want to get up just as it makes him mouth feel stuffed with dirt. He opens his mouth to ask, but he's not sure he dares.  
Sakura seems impenetrable.

Her footsteps clack. She checks on something in a corner, shuffles the edges of the sheets. He expects her to punch him, choke him, tear him apart with words. She doesn't.  
She's a professional, and he's a patient; the lab coat over her shoulders is proof that she'd become a competent med-nin. He supposed Sakura had always been competent, when she put her mind to it. 

"He's alright, if that's what you're wondering." 

Her voice is surprisingly soft.

"I'll call him in, if you want." 

Sasuke isn't sure what to say. His throat feels too tight, and the bed feels heavy under him, pulling him down. He struggles, for words, for an emotion, for something to explain the sudden rush in his ears. 

Sakura doesn't give him time to answer, doesn't seem to think he needs to. 

She's gone and in her place there's the pad of bare feet and the slide of a door going shut. 

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke's insides split open and his final breath is knocked out of him, and in that moment, he thinks that maybe he's glad to be alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the semi-last chapter. It was actually one big chapter that just didn't flow together, so I did some moving around and editing. The final chapter will be posted once I'm done looking over it as well. ;u; Alas, Sasuke's back, back again. Sasuke's back, tell your friends.  
> Also! Happy Holidays! Thank you for all the support in relation to this story! <3


	12. Chapter 12

There seems to be a quiet agreement. They don't talk about the forest. They don't talk about what happened in the time Sasuke was asleep. They don't talk about the bandages around Naruto's neck. They don't talk when Sasuke goes to trial. They don't talk when Sasuke's sentenced to house arrest, locked away in the cold grave of the Uchiha compound.

It's a light sentence but it's a light sentence that feels like his own brand of purgatory. 

He doesn't think he's better off dead though, not when Naruto comes and decides he'll paint the walls.

The nightmares keep him awake. He still sees blood on the floorboards, still sees the silhouette of Itachi through the screen doors.

He doesn't regret waking up however, not when he gets up one morning to find Naruto sweeping the grounds.

Sometimes his eyes burn, and the tears mix with blood and drip down his face.

Sometimes he hears voices in the quiet.

Sometimes he feels like he's just another ghost among the deceased.

He smiles though, when Naruto plants flowers in the back. Bright, colorful, frail things that seem to feed off the sunlight that Sasuke sternly avoids.

Time must pass, even if it doesn't seem to.

Sasuke realizes that he's at a stalemate. He has nowhere to turn to, and he knows it'll be a long time coming until anyone in the village even thinks of trusting him again.

He knows it'll be a long while coming until really trusts himself.

Still, every day, Naruto will walk through the gates and his eyes will light up when he sees Sasuke move to greet him. 

Every day Naruto will call to him with a relieved 'You're here!', and it always seems to carry all the things they never talk about.

Until one day Sasuke meets him halfway.

"I'm home," he murmurs, into Naruto's hair.

And he means for it to carry all the things he'll never say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried while writing this. It's been like ten years and I still have so many feelings about these two. Alas, thank you for everyone who commented, gave kudos or just read this! <3 I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I wanted to keep the ending open but also like within realistic realms of the character dynamics. Basically, the whole manga and anime I felt like Sasuke's only remaining connection to his "good" side was Naruto, just as Naruto was the one to pull him out of his path of "destruction". And I also felt like Naruto would always be "lonely" without Sasuke, and that's pretty much probably why he wanted him back so much. Giving up Sasuke would be like giving up a part of himself...or something. Anyways, rant over, and story over! Thank you very much everyone!


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